At my Sunday morning doctor’s appointment, I had asked the nurse if she had a syringe that I could use for one of my medications. I didn’t prepare very well on Friday and I forgot to ask the pharmacist for extra syringes to get me through the weekend. The nurse found a syringe for me to take home and use that night. I knew it looked different from the ones I had been using, but I assumed I could figure it out.
On Sunday afternoon, I grabbed my medicine bag and headed over to a friend’s house for dinner, a movie and a shot appointment. At around 9:30pm I started preparing my shots and as I was drawing back the liquid in my newly acquired syringe, I felt as though the amount was a bit excessive. But, I remember that on yesterday’s syringe the number was 5 and on the new syringe the number is .5. I figured that the .5 had to be the correct number and maybe even not enough. I convinced myself that this was indeed the correct amount, so I had my friend stick me. As she was pushing in the medication I remember thinking that it felt like much more than what I was used to. I brushed it off and figured I’d check when I got home.
A few minutes roll by and my nerves start kicking in. I’m really feeling like something is wrong. I get in my car, head home and call Joey. I tell him what I think I did and I start panicking. The only way for me to know for sure is if I somehow get the top off of this damn red sharps container that I put my used syringes in and look at an old one. I take a knife to lid and still can’t open it. I tell Joey I’ll call him back. I grab some tweezers and shake the container to try to get one of the syringes to the very top and then I finagle it out through the tiny hole, like in a game of Operation.
Oh my God, oh my God…I’m lining the syringes up and yep, I have definitely taken too much. If I line the syringes up it looks like I’ve given myself five times the dosage. Holy shit! I call Joey back, my heart is racing and my eyes are blurry from tears. I take a photo of what I’ve done, send it to him and we’re studying it. He has me read the numbers on the syringe. The old one says ½ cc units and the new one says cc units. We’re trying to do the math, which we are having a very hard time figuring out. I’m hyperventilating and now can’t talk. If our math is correct, I have actually given myself TEN times the dosage! Ten times! Ohhhh myyyy Gooooddd! It’s already in my body. There’s no getting it out. What am I going to do? I have effed up this entire process and now I might die! He tells me to go to the Internet to see what happens if I overdose on this medicine. First thing up says, “Call poison control”. Forget IVF, I’m gonna die! I can’t believe what I’ve done. I’m such an idiot. How did I do this? Stupid, stupid, stupid! I keep reading and my nerves calm down a bit as I read other infertility chat pages in which this same exact incident occurred and the women were fine. But that still doesn’t mean that I’ll be fine.
I take a few deep breaths and he tells me to call the on-call nurse at our doctor’s office ASAP. Low and behold, my actual doctor was the one that was on call. Halleluiah! She calls me back and as soon as I hear her voice, I start crying. I don't want to tell her what I've done. I’m sure I’m going to disappoint her as much as I’ve disappointed myself. All of our work is headed right down the drain. She asks me how it happened and all I wanted to say through gasping and tears is that it happened because I’m an idiot, there’s no other explanation. She calms me down and says that everything should be okay. You can’t overdose on this medicine and it’s not affecting my precious follicles that I’ve worked so hard to get. Whew. She wants me to come into the office the next day for a blood draw to see if I’ve done anything harmful (so you’re saying there’s a chance, ugh).
I call Joey back and tell him that everything should be fine and to have fun for the rest of the trip. But…what I really wanted to tell him is that while you were frolicking in the sand all weekend with your boyfriends, I was getting shots. And since you weren’t home, I had to find random people to help me, and since random people were helping me, they didn’t notice that they were giving me TEN times the amount! You're the idiot that left me here by myself. And frankly, I’m the one that needed a damn vacation! Maybe I was being a bit excessive, but I was really thinking I needed someone to blame.
So this must be why they suggest giving the shots to yourself. And as I’m drowning in the mess I’ve gotten myself into, I realize that I have another shot that I still have to give…to myself, dammit Joey!
But the first time’s a charm. Either it really didn’t hurt that bad or I was too upset to care, but it worked! And in my moment of despair, I felt kinda proud of myself.
My Random Thought: I really like buying anything and everything that has “World’s Best” or “World’s Famous” on it. I’m sure most of these products are self-titled, but someone gave it that title so they must think it’s the best, which means I have to try it.
So, I was thinking that if this blog has a short ending, my new blog would be titled “World’s Best” and I would review and rank everything I purchase with this title. First up is the World’s Best kitty litter I just bought.