On Saturday we had the egg retrieval. I went in with anticipation. I wouldn’t have called it excitement because at this point I had no idea what they would find. We knew we could see nine follicles on the screen, but my guess was as good as any on what we would actually be left with. Frankly, I didn’t want to think about it anymore. I couldn’t wait for the anesthesiologist to come in with the drugs and put my mind at ease, even for a few minutes.
The procedure only took 30 minutes. I woke up and couldn’t wait to hear what they found. Joey was reluctant to tell me, I could see it on his face. He tells me that they retrieved four good eggs. I was in slight disbelief until the doctor came in and she told me the same thing. I began to cry. I wasn’t sure what my magic number would have been, but I expected more than half to be good. She tells me that the other follicles were “empty”. I use this term loosely because it actually doesn’t mean that they were empty, but something was wrong with the egg and it didn’t release from the follicle properly, so it cannot be used. This goes along with my Diminishing Ovarian Reserve and could be the reason I had not been pregnant in the past. Even though we saw follicles every month, it does not mean that they housed good eggs. She rubs my shoulder and reassures me that we only need one and yes, of course, I understand this concept, but I never want to do this again. It is just too much. If I had a few more than four, our chances should be greater of getting two or three out of the whole process. There is still a long way to go. They need to survive fertilization and implantation and at this rate, it’s not looking as good as I had hoped.
We were sent home to spend the rest of the day on the couch. Sitting and thinking. The next day they would call us to tell us how many fertilized. I know I had some meds in me, but it was the calm before the storm. I had done my job and now there was nothing left for me to do. There was nothing else I could do. It is all in the hands of the scientist and he/she better do a damn good job! Joey and I watched movies and played games to take our minds off of it all. We didn’t talk about it much. I’m not sure if we even talked about it at all. We just went to bed knowing that the next day would be a big one for us.
Sunday morning arrived and all I could think about was the phone call. What could they have found? How many survived? I have to know and I have to know now. How can I function today knowing that my future is riding on a phone call? Ugh! The wait is horrible. Every time the phone rang, I thought I was the doctor calling with bad news…I know I was being very pessimistic at this point, but if I expected the worst than I wouldn’t be as heartbroken. Hours went by with no phone call and I knew something was wrong. The wait was excruciating. Yesterday, the doctor told me that they don’t give news of zero embryos without you coming into the office, so by one o’clock I just figured that they would call me in the morning and schedule an appointment.
At one forty-five I got the call. Not from my doctor, but from the lab technician, so I’m thinking this must be a good sign. He tells me that two of the four have fertilized properly and the other two are on the fence. They will let all four grow to see what happens, but for now, we have the implantation scheduled for Wednesday. On Wednesday we will see what we have to work with and make some decisions then. I hang up the phone. Joey shows a big smile and throws his hands up in the air with joy and relief. I put the phone down and try to comprehend. I imagine I have the type of reaction parents might have if they pick up the phone and hear a police officer on the other end, “Your child is okay, but they are in big trouble”. Thank gosh they are alive, but how disappointing. A few tears stream down knowing that only two have made it, but then I smile knowing we have two to work with.
Holy crap, there’s two! At least two! We were thinking there wouldn’t be any and now there are two. Two groups of cells that are ours and that have been made up of our DNA. It’s crazy to think that they are the beginnings of human beings. I’ve never ever been pregnant before and although these are not in my body, it may be as close to pregnant as I’ll ever feel. I just can’t believe it. It’s truly mind boggling. In the beginning we thought there was no chance and now the possibility is so close. I know there are still hurdles. Frankly, we don’t even know if I can carry the embryo. This may have been a problem from the start, but for now we know that there is a possibility. Our cells actually like each other and together we have created something we never thought we could. They already have their genetic makeup and now they just need to develop. It is amazing and scary all at the same time. When we bring ourselves back to reality, we realize that we are functioning at a fifty percent survival rate. Fifty percent of the eggs survived retrieval, fifty percent survived fertilization and hopefully at least fifty percent will survive implantation, which only leaves us one. And that is all we can hope for.
My Random Thought: Can’t I just tell the doctor I’ll pick it up in 9 months?