3/23/2012 6 Comments The Disappearing ActSo, the process starts and I’ve lost it. All of it. I’ve handed over my morals. What is left of me? I’m not motivated to work out or eat healthy. I started to eat meat, I don’t care about using environmentally friendly products, I don’t care about having a clean house and my laundry has piled sky high. Everything I stood for means nothing, so why even try. I feel like I’m spiraling out of control and disappearing one limb at a time. Is this really the best option of the three? I question myself every day on it. There are so many unknowns in this process, I have control over NOTHING!
For those of you who are unaware of the IVF process. Let me fill you in (sorry, I try to not make the blogs very descriptive, but in order to keep following you will want to know). Think of it as ovulation on steroids. They use medicine to simulate the ovulation process and try to capture as many eggs as possible to fertilize. Everything is printed out on a scary timeline. There are shots for stopping the communication between your brain and your ovaries so the doctors are in complete control, and there are shots for growing as many eggs as possible in your ovaries. Once all of the shots are complete, they harvest your eggs (yes, just as though you were a chicken on a farm). You hope to have multiple eggs for them to use and choose from because not all of the eggs will be good. Once they have the eggs, they gather the male counterpart and put them together in a Petri dish. Side note: they inject one sperm into the egg in hopes that they will work together and be perfect. I thought that was crazy because what I actually thought is that they put the one egg in a dish of a lot of sperm and they choose each other, like love at first sight. But, I was just living in my dream world again and unfortunately, it’s not as romantic as this. Anyway, while you’re at home, the embryo grows for a few days in the dish. After those few days you will find out if you have any viable ones and if you do, they are put back inside you. Ten excruciating days later you will find out if any are thriving and if you are pregnant. Obviously there are many variables in this and many things that can go wrong. I just keep telling myself that all we need is one. One surviving embryo that wants to be with us. One little bunch of cells that we can love and cherish all the days of its life. And hopefully, by the time this all takes place, I will have reappeared as my normal self. My Random Thought: Why does new makeup make a girl feel so damn good? I’m banned from Ulta until this process is over with.
6 Comments
Debbie
3/23/2012 08:07:43 pm
My fingers and toes are crossed for you. Good luck!
Reply
Co
3/23/2012 10:48:28 pm
I can't imagine what that must be like but let me assure you, there is nothing in this world that can compare to when you are holding your baby in your arms. Everything else will melt away and the years spent trying will feel like mere moments compared to the new life in front of you
Reply
Co
3/23/2012 10:49:28 pm
And know that if you need anything, I would be more than happy to help:)
Reply
Sandy
3/24/2012 12:11:52 am
I wish I had the perfect words of wisdom to share with you, but alas I don't. I just know that you are the most beautiful, smart, giving person. I know without a shadow of doubt that the new little life you want to bring into your world will happen. My love & hope is with you.
Reply
Brent
3/28/2012 08:23:35 am
I know things will work out for you and Joey in the end, but until then screw Ulta. I can get you Mac make up at cost. so just send me a list of whatever your feeling on any given day k :-)
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorHi! I'm Janet, a 35 year old wife, friend, daughter, sister, aunt, event planner and lover of life. My amazing husband of 9 years, Joey, and I struggled with infertility for 4 years. I welcome you to read my stories as I share my sometimes crazy thoughts on our journey through Archives
June 2014
|