9/11/2013 0 Comments Another Round PleaseAfter our nieces and nephews, the second best thing that came out of my mass pregnancy nightmare was that Joey and I started focusing on us again. What we wanted and how we were going to get it.
We decided to give IVF another shot, literally. I thought it would be a much harder decision, but when we found out we had reached our insurance deductible for the year, it was a no-brainer. The next round would be very low cost. How could we refuse? We only had a month or two left in our insurance year and we had to act fast. There was no time for me to over-think this, which I know was better for all. Off to the doctor we went and the shenanigans started all over again. Appointments, shots, medications, oh my! Luckily, this time wasn't as bad. I knew what to expect, mastered giving myself shots, and I knew the medication schedule. There was no learning curve involved, which made it much less scary. The doctor had boosted up all my meds and insured us that this was going to be a good run. (Ugh, enough with the positivity, let’s just get this over with.) We were skeptical. I was skeptical. It didn't work before, why would it work now? We were able to get a few more eggs this time around and when all was said and done, we had 5 embryos total. Only two of them were “good” quality, two were fair quality and one was poor quality. All I could think was, “Out of two damn rounds of IVF we only have two good embryos? WTH!”. But in a nanosecond that switched to, “THANK GOD we have two good embryos!”. This time around we actually had a decision to make. Do we use the two good quality embryos and hope that one takes? Do we use one good and one fair? In our minds we thought that we should save a good one for later, like a back-up. But in the fertility world, that’s not how it works. The best odds were using the two good embryos and hoping that one takes. So in one swoop the two, and only, good ones were placed inside the abyss that they would call home. Well, at least for the long, excruciating 10-day wait. Fingers crossed and breath held.
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9/6/2013 0 Comments Do I Dare Reminse?Fall 2012.
Three of my sister-in-laws are pregnant! Can you believe? Three of them! We are officially the only couple in a family of 7 that is not pregnant or with children. I try not to play the martyr, but come on, how much can a girl take! One right after the other, three times in a row. Nothin’ like reality slapping you in the face. Shoot me now! How could I be so happy, yet so sad at the same time? With every surprise announcement, I wanted to hug them and cry. At family functions, it’s all baby talk. What they feel like, what they need to buy, how they made the exciting announcement to their other family and friends. I’ve tried to stay in the conversation by throwing out whatever second-hand knowledge I have about pregnancy and babies, just hoping that I won’t get inadvertently pushed out of the club because I really have no idea what I’m talking about. Luckily, for all involved, my pity party was brief. I was able to pull myself out of the dark hole pretty quickly, the first time of course easier than the third. The one thing I have tried to tell myself through all of this is that I can’t compare my life to others. Each life is different, each scenario no better or worse. By comparing and being jealous I will just dig myself deeper into the hole and I know, the deeper I get, the harder it will be to climb out. Am I happy for my sisters & brothers? So very happy! Shouldn’t we all be able to have what we want? Absolutely! Do I have my moments of weakness? Of course. But those moments always lead me back to my center. Re-focus on my husband, my life, my journey and that will lead me to happiness. To be continued… My Random Thought: This morning I sent my family and friends a shot of my growing belly. I think it's so strange how I only see them a few times throughout this process and then I have a kid. I really can't wrap my mind around it, so in the meantime they are all being tortured by my mug shot! |
AuthorHi! I'm Janet, a 35 year old wife, friend, daughter, sister, aunt, event planner and lover of life. My amazing husband of 9 years, Joey, and I struggled with infertility for 4 years. I welcome you to read my stories as I share my sometimes crazy thoughts on our journey through Archives
June 2014
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