This was my first encounter with someone dealing with infertility and it is etched in my brain. I'm not sure if it was a sign, or intuition or whatever, but from that point on, I knew that having children wasn't a "give in". I knew it wasn't something that was just handed to you on a silver platter. Through my adult years, if anyone asked me if I was going to have children I always said "yes, but you never know until you try". Knowing what I know now, it is an eerie thing that always came out of mouth. It's eerie because I know everyone doesn't think like this and it makes me wonder why I held on to this memory so tightly. It amazes me when I hear my friends talk and say things like, "we can't go on that trip next year because in March I'll be pregnant" or "by then we'll have two kids". They say it with such certainty, it almost makes me mad. I just feel like asking them how they are so sure, but why would I want to dampen their dreams.
I watched a Dr. Oz show over the weekend and the topic was infertility. Someone in the audience put it perfectly, modern day women feel entitled. We feel like we should have it all; a career, a life and then children. We see it with all of the celebrities that are in their 40's having children. They have had a successful career, found the love of their lives and...POOF they have a family. What they don't tell you is that they use fertility drugs, surrogates and donor eggs to get their children.
Being able to have children whenever we want is what is portrayed and infertility is rarely discussed. Dr. Oz said that you should know if you want to have children by the age of 30 and if you do, you need to start taking steps to ensure that it is a possibility for you, i.e. find a mate stat, or freeze your eggs. After the age of 30, you only have a 20% chance of getting pregnant each month. By the age of 40 it drops down to 5%.
I know what you're thinking...he's crazy, we don't feel or look like we’re 30, and frankly 30 these days is young. Unfortunately, this is the truth. We are aging. Our organs and eggs are aging and we can't stop it from happening. We should be talking about this! Women should not be assuming that they can have children naturally well into their 30's. It's just not that easy. I know most 32 year-olds have good quality eggs and maybe my situation is rare, but I've been married for 8 years, since the age of 24, and if I would have known this information, maybe we would have done things differently. Maybe we would have had kids sooner when my eggs were still young and viable. We didn’t have to wait all of those years. But I wanted it all and I wanted it to play out perfectly. As you know from my first post, we took full advantage of our younger years, and then we landed our careers, and bought the family house and car. By doing this, we may have sacrificed the last, and one of the most important, pieces of the puzzle. I can go back and think about what could have been, but I'm past that and I realize that it won't change my situation, my point is that infertility is not talked about as much as it should be.
Luckily, with modern day medicine (and a shitload of money), you can have children into your 40's. What they don't draw attention to are the consequences. You are putting synthetic drugs into your body, point blank. These drugs can cause cancer and put you and your children at risk. You can have multiples, miscarriages and abnormality rates are higher. You can have complications with the pregnancy, bed rest and may even risk your own life to have the baby. I know this, I signed the sheets and sheets of paperwork that tell you all of these risks and I still chose to do it. Millions of other women will also choose the same road, but it's a hard road to go down. It is a road that should not be taken lightly and as you know by all of my posts, I questioned it the ENTIRE way. But I needed to do it, I didn't care about the paperwork, I don't even know if I read it. My doctor definitely didn't tell me the risks verbally, although I wish she would have, and she definitely didn't point out that the odds of the procedure even working are less than one out of three. Even if she did, I'm not sure if I would have changed my mind. What I wish is that I never had to go down that road in the first place.
Infertility is more prevalent today than ever before, and one of the biggest reasons is that people are waiting to have kids. For many it all works out perfectly, but take it from me, sometimes you just can't have it all.
Update from the last post: I saw the acupuncturist, he's great, but a bit too far for me to drive. He did give me some good resources and dietary info. He has a few goals for me 1.) Get any anxiety under control. I never really thought I had this, but the more I become aware of my body, the more I realize I could probably work on this. 2.) I need to eat some meat. There are proteins in meat that you cannot get from supplements, vegetables and beans. We, of course, can survive without meat, but if you're trying to procreate, you need these proteins. Eat a little meat each week that is hormone free, free range and grass fed. 3.) Eat gluten free. Most people have a slight allergy to wheat and even a slight allergy can inflame your reproductive organs. 4.) Get my BMI to 20.
None of which will be easy, all of which will be easier than the alternative.